Well, the PSAT's over (I think I did really well) and the rain's gone for now. It didn't quite last forty days and forty nights, but perhaps torrential rain doesn't have to be indicated in numbers to be absolutely biblical in quantity.
The time I was forced to spend in doors lead to some unpleasant conversations with some of my friends, and since I can't address it with him on AIM very well, I might as well put it here because maybe it'll actually leave the mark I intend it to.
Hypocrisy
There are two things I excel at — organization and studying. If you can do neither, I don't want to hear anything about how I should alter my habits because I'm not doing it right, or I'll run into trouble. You have to understand that I have been in these activities far longer than you. I have this down to an art, and moreover, I am wholly dedicated to these things. This isn't to say that you aren't, but do not judge me simply because you've been introduced to something. Your preconceived views about the world are largely wrong at the very core, so don't impose them on me. Your habits of turning in things late, working on them late or at the last minute, cramming, and stressing do not work well with me, and make you that much more of a hypocrite than before.
Condescension
I know you've been through a lot, but I've heard it all before. I've heard it, and I can comprehend a lot more than you seem to think I do. I've been reading since the age of two and probably speaking two or three languages longer. Maybe I'm a hypocrite on this front, since I seem to use this frequently against you, but it works better in reverse. You need the extra explanation. Again, you assume so much more than you should. You absorb rather than learning, and it's difficult to teach when there's no learning to verify it.
The past
It's behind you. Get over it. The more you bring it up, the more you dwell on it. You can't change it, so if it's unhappy, forget it and move on. You gain nothing by living in a time that doesn't exist anymore. The best you can do is use it to influence future decisions, and when I mean influence, ACTUALLY UTILIZE IT and don't proceed in the same inefficient pattern you've been using to live your life. The future is there for us to learn from it, so do it, please.
The future
Ivy League is any child's dream, but how realistic is it when your scholarship application —— your only ticket to Ivy League financially —— was turned in extremely late and your standardized tests don't reflect the grades you should have made, had you given them the proper effort and preparation? Colleges don't see so many things. They have only so much room, and several thousands of people to sort through. How do you stand out? What have you done that makes you better than another person vying for that spot? This next part I know from experience — when you hide your talents in the shadows, who knows what they are? If you underperform, that's what they see. Similarly, if you excel, that's what they want to see. So give it to them. If you have skills, use them. Don't blow off any opportunity to get money or scholarships to schools. Don't ever do it. Schoolwork is merely a filler grade in comparison to the rest of your life. I just wish you'd understand that one 0 isn't going to change much.
On the contrary, how does anyone know that the same bad habits that ransacked this year of your life won't pervade your life in college? You will be away from home with no one watching you and forcing you to go to sleep. As much as you dislike your mother, maybe the grounding is necessary. It makes you go to sleep, it forces you to concentrate on what matters —— not the internet, not news, not the here and now —— but the future you so often forget. If you can prove that this year will be different, college will reflect the same progress. College is new, and college is scary, but it's an education, after all, and what is an education for if you abuse it?
In conclusion
I've been the world's most enormous ass the past few days, but I can only use it in retaliation, so I hope you realize that you haven't been helping at all as far as cooperating goes. AIM's rate limit hasn't been helping, but the sheer fact that I've gone past it so many times has to say something to you. Break out of your bubble and look into a new world where things aren't quite so terrifying as you dreamt them to be. Live a little. Please.
Read 2 comments (Leave a comment?)
Hiko said:
You have NOT been an ass! Retaliation doesnt make you an ass - the one who started all this and wouldnt stop AND IS VERY SORRY FOR IT is the only real ass here!
Posted on October 18, 2006 11:26 PM; Permalink
Ranjani said:
What makes me an ass is the fact that when frustrated, I can say some very mean things. Those mean things make me feel terrible, as does the fact that if something like this is on my mind all day, my day gets ruined. I find it easier to just forget I’m upset about things until I get home and worry about them from that point, because sleep usually makes me forget most of it.
IN SHORT, I AM EQUALLY TO BLAME.
Posted on October 18, 2006 11:34 PM; Permalink