I have my optimism and my good fortune to thank when I state that I've never been wholly stressed or depressed, but I'm wondering if the minor episodes of stress I've had this year and in years before have started to add up. Recently, my lower back has been hurting me, and I have some sort of ache in my upper back, around my left shoulder-blade (it's been there since an October marching practice, freshman year - more than two years ago, and it has been examined). No amount of stretching, popping, or massaging has seemed to get rid of either. Normally, I can brag on my ability to sleep through hurricanes (but I cannot sleep through very loud thunder) and the like. Yesterday, my lower back hurt worse than ever. I couldn't sit up without feeling sore. For the past two days, I've had difficulties even falling asleep. The only times I recall that I haven't been able to go to sleep are the days before major competitions, where I'm so excited (note: not nervous, excited) that I can't stop from rotating around my room until I finally curl up somewhere and sleep. And I'm sixteen — this is something that might trouble my parents (but never my dog), not me. And I'm wondering if it's onset by someone, not something. And it's not right or fair.
I want to say I feel wound in my workload, but I know it's not that. Judging by the fact that I was able to fall asleep in my friend's car within minutes of the heat being turned on (It's cold and windy in Houston; can you believe it?), it's not a constant repetitive thing. But when it does hit me, it's worse and worse. My theory, which is as good as anyone else's, is that my mind's always on too many things, and that's what makes me feel cluttered. They're little things — observations, pictures, quotes for my novel, scenes for my novel, political theories, musings — that would never affect me maliciously. But when do thoughts lead to pain? And why, Aaron, why?
As a closing gesture, during our Latin Club field trip to Texas Children's Hospital today (the Latin Club — of which I am the webmaster — had collected coloring books, crayons, games, and miniature ornaments to give to patients in the Hematology/Oncology and Cardiology wards), I met a man who understood that value was something man-made. A diamond is only a diamond because we want it to be. What makes a diamond more precious than water, which is necessary for us to sustain life? What makes a piece of plastic worthless? Why must money equal power, and power equal ignorance? Why are newborns so frail and tiny and yet so strong? Aaron, this is what you must learn: what makes a baby wiser and stronger than a man is the trust, faith, and compassion it shows. A baby will always be mightier than a man because the potential of a baby is so great (this child could save the world, and this child could end it and similar suppositions). But the hope is what keeps an infant going — and what should keep you going, if you ever decide that you will be in all cases the man who lost it all.
Read 11 comments (Leave a comment?)
Trisha said:
Oh boy, I have those exact symptoms, and for personal reasons it is because I am suffering clinical depression and major stress and anxiety. For you, it sounds like a lot of stress, and it could be that you’re busy-busy, trust me I know how that feels and what it does to you. I hope you feel better! Remember- our minds mainly control these types of pain, relax your mind and you’ll be good in no time!
Posted on November 30, 2006 7:13 PM; Permalink
Naco said:
Aw hope your back stops hurting so much, I get lower back pains but that’s from lifting heavy trays at work (I’m a server). You might not feel like you have a large workload but maybe your body is starting to feel that way? I think that made sense. Sometimes when I am stressed I take a few minutes to just relax, usually helps. That’s really nice that you and the Latin Club did that for Texas Children’s Hospital :)
Posted on November 30, 2006 8:59 PM; Permalink
Hiko said:
I would say its a little of both; the large amount of schoolwork and activities you do, as well as uh…me. I will not deny I could have such an effect on you after all that has happened, but perhaps you can take a little comfort in that I went to the doctor today and got some medication. perhaps it is only a matter of time now for the both of us, and perhaps such a statement shows that I still have some tiny microscopic bit of hope left. enough said.
Posted on December 1, 2006 2:05 AM; Permalink
Yanah said:
Ouch.. your backache seems really, really harsh. It’s a bummer nothing helps to reduce the pain. Hmm, interesting, what that man you met said. I never looked at things in that perspective. Cool..
And, hope you get well soon!!
Posted on December 1, 2006 7:05 AM; Permalink
Ranjani said:
I don’t have a workload, Aaron; that’s why it’s eliminated. Unless you consider yourself the workload, in which case, it’s extremely heavy. Until you do something for yourself, I can’t do everything for you. And I won’t.
Posted on December 1, 2006 10:19 PM; Permalink
Mis said:
The back pain could be caused by stress. When you are stressed, your muscles tend to clamp up and that could lead to soreness around the joints et all. When you’re stressed, you’re depressing your immune system as well, which could cause more joint/bone ache. Then again, I’m no doctor. I’m merely going by what I have experienced.
Posted on December 2, 2006 7:26 AM; Permalink
Ronalfy said:
I had the exact same symptoms throughout most of my college years, as well as into my professional career. Most of the stress, anxiety, and back pains were alleviated after about a month of hard-core working out. I would run about thirty minutes a day three to five days a week, as well as do strength training. I still get anxiety and lower back pain occasionally, but not as much as before I started exercising.
My lower back pain didn’t start going away until after I started exercising and stretching my lower back. There are several yoga exercises that assist in stretching out the lower back and this may help with some symptoms.
I still get killer lower back pain after long drives though :\
Posted on December 2, 2006 8:23 PM; Permalink
Mona said:
Thank you so much for the comment and advise! It is really helpful.
I hope your lower back feels better.
Posted on December 2, 2006 8:24 PM; Permalink
Mona said:
Thank you so much for the comment and advise! It is really helpful.
I hope your back feels better. You might want to get your back checked out if nothing seems to be making the pain go away.
Posted on December 2, 2006 8:26 PM; Permalink
Hiko said:
I guess this means I am physically hurting you…take some advil?
Posted on December 3, 2006 2:20 AM; Permalink
Ranjani said:
Thank you all for your comments! Ronalfy: I was actually waiting until it got moderately cool outside before I started biking again. If anything, that’ll get rid of the lower back pain with the constant motion. I guess I could invest in some yoga. My mom’s been dying to teach me ever since I was little. If not, my brother will probably spend an entire day lecturing about how I should play basketball (not a bad idea!) to work the kinks out of my arms. Houston winters are extremely moderate, which is a shame since we have learned to expect snow only once a decade, and that’s my ideal climate for biking :)
Mis and Mona: Will do. My mom hasn’t gone to her chiropractor in a while, but I’ll ask her to take me if she plans to go there any time soon. If anything, I can be sure that it is or isn’t stress related. But it’s odd for one thing to remain for two years in the same spot. So my shoulder can probably be fixed physically. The rest, Aaron, is going to need some work.
Posted on December 3, 2006 2:30 AM; Permalink