I feel as if I can write. I feel as if all it will take to move forward in my novel — or a new post — is dedication. I can supply that; dedication is simple. But I can’t make the words come out right. It’s a strange feeling of helplessness and overwhelming weakness when the most minuscule things cannot properly represent themselves on paper. It is not as if I haven’t tried; I’m terrified that it is a chance of heart. We all want to write The Great American Novel, because what we really seek is recognition on a grand scale. I wrote sporadically through February. I was so close, it seemed, to the biggest writing breakthrough of my life. Spring Break brought that to ruins, and I still can’t manage even a page of what I had hoped would be the greatest chronicle I had ever written.
To a certain extent, the possibilities are still very present. I could escape this downward cycle and write again, something magnificent, something inspired. But I know the words will leave me behind. There’s no more room for grandiloquent prose, or history, or fables. But what if that is all I can manage? It’s a strange feeling, writer’s block. It’s cruel and scathing and yet so ordinary. The characters of my novel are dying and flailing, and although I’m captivated with the idea of saving them, I’m not sure that I can. The dedication is there, but it always takes something more than I cannot always muster. When I cannot write, I draw, and when I cannot draw, I write. I very sincerely hope that this is a short period of transition, and not the end of all things, which I have so fervently echoed in my writing. Maybe all I need is a vision. Maybe.
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Tracey said:
I too want to write the great Australian (in my case!) novel, but I think that maybe we’re still too young. We still don’t know what the hell we’re doing and what we’re going to do. Maybe we need to live a little bit more before we can write something beautiful and memorable.
Posted on April 23, 2007 2:39 AM; Permalink
Ranjani said:
But that just seems like a wellspring of emotion to draw from. I feel like this is the pinnacle of my creativity and I’m going to lose the power of all this inspiration if I let myself grow out of this phase. Besides, don’t you hate being told that you’re too young to do something? :P
Logically, you’re probably right. I’m sure my writing could definitely be better, but the effort doesn’t hurt. Well, aside from breaking my brain, it doesn’t hurt :)
Posted on April 23, 2007 7:07 PM; Permalink
Rohit said:
It sounds as though you’re going through a transition … maybe you just need to take a small break ? Do something else other than drawing and writing. You know just break the trend and you’ll get inspired when you least expect it! :)
Posted on April 24, 2007 7:31 AM; Permalink
Elyse said:
I agree that a small break is probably necessary.
Dostoevsky (my favorite author and biggest creative writing inspiration…hah!) would often write two books at a time, until one would take over and then he would end up incorporating aspects of the second to create a rich world of characters and interactions.
Maybe try that?
Research your most inspirational writer— see how s/he wrote, figure out their writing process. Read some more of his/her books. Look for inspiration from great writing that always gets you every time, if you know what I mean.
Posted on April 25, 2007 12:05 PM; Permalink
AQIIJII said:
Your style reminds me of Potok; your characters remind me of Hardy. The only important thing is that they’re NOT Potok and NOT Hardy. Starting out I did the same thing and had the same problems as you — that great American novel just didn’t want to break past a certain point. I finally realized that I was writing it for my audience and not for myself and trashed the whole thing. Not saying that you would need to do that, just…don’t be afraid to take one back to get two forward. And if your genres are fables or history, embrace them! It took me several years to realize that as much as I wanted to write an adventure, my real talents lie in stomach-churning murders :D You’re already a very good writer. Keep in mind, though, to make something worthwhile you don’t have to be the best writer in the world…just better than the writer you were yesterday. Stick with it, nub.
Posted on December 11, 2007 5:20 PM; Permalink
Ranjani said:
More reasons why I love Aqii — FEEL GOODZ ALL THE TIME ^__^ are like Hardy’s! I read Tess of the D’Urbervilles last year. Nice and fatalistic, not afraid to be gloomy.
Posted on December 11, 2007 6:37 PM; Permalink