Just when I figured that I had the English language down pat, I started adding prepositions at the end of my sentences. The little abuses of this like, “What are you talking about?” or “Are you going inside?” are pretty unavoidable and consequently harmless.

But today I uttered a full-blown, “Which entrance are you at?” while waiting for my dad to pick us up from Target. I wish (only slightly) that I had said, “What ho, guardian, whither hast thou parked?” or “Admiral Nebulon, where have you docked your vessel?” instead. I would have enjoyed that so much more.

“What entrance are you at?” indeed. I’m afraid there’s no hope for me now. I’ve receded to the grammatical capabilities of a lemming, which, despite being a fairly smart creature, has no skill with subject-verb agreement or the placement of quotation marks. I’m better off moving to Finland and mining voles out of the forest.