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    <title>Biscuitrat</title>
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    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2008-05-25://1</id>
    <updated>2010-06-21T19:19:04Z</updated>
    <subtitle>The writing of an 19-year-old burrito-fanatic who has way too much on her mind.</subtitle>
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<entry>
    <title>I&apos;m happy, hope you&apos;re happy too</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/06/im-happy-hope-youre-happy-too.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.180</id>

    <published>2010-06-21T19:20:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-06-21T19:19:04Z</updated>

    <summary>Or you know, I could be a cosmonaut. Hours aren&apos;t bad, space is pretty cool. I&apos;d have to learn Russian though...and invent a time machine...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="annoying" label="annoying" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="careers" label="careers" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="college" label="college" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="life" label="life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="teachers" label="teachers" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="teaching" label="teaching" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
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        <![CDATA[<p>I don&#8217;t know when teaching stopped being a career people valued. It seems that every time I bring up my major, the first question out of someone&#8217;s mouth is, &#8220;What are you going to do with that?&#8221; And that instantly takes the smile off my face. It&#8217;s taken me a long time to come to the decision that I can do what I want to do, and sacrifice nothing. I don&#8217;t <em>have</em> to be a doctor or lawyer, because neither of those things will make me completely happy. A doctor&#8217;s life is stressful but infinitely rewarding, but I&#8217;m not great with stress and insomnia. Or Biochemistry. And frankly, I don&#8217;t like law very much. I like suits. Sometimes. And pinstripes. But law means legal codes and, in family courts, bitter people, sad people, angry people. That&#8217;s not for me.</p>

<p>But I have <em>always</em> loved teaching. I&#8217;ve been doing it unconsciously for years, just as long as I&#8217;ve been stealing office supplies and training Sandy to open doors (she&#8217;ll get there, just you wait). It&#8217;s something I&#8217;m comfortable with, something I <em>know</em> I can handle, and I think it would be a lot of fun. We have several excellent teachers in my family, so I don&#8217;t know why my mom still won&#8217;t stop trying to change my mind. Maybe it&#8217;s not as prestigious or as lucrative as law or medicine. Maybe she likes pinstripes just as much as I do, and regrets that I won&#8217;t be able to wear them while I smash someone&#8217;s face in with the GAVEL OF JUSTICE, but honestly? Those are minor concerns. I <em>know</em> I will have at least enough money for room and board and my ridiculous IKEA addiction (it&#8217;s like crack, but with a birch veneer). And above all, I&#8217;ll be <em>happy</em>.</p>

<p>That should be the end of the discussion right there. It is <strong><em>what I want to do.</em></strong> No more questions, no more, &#8220;But what about dentistry? (I hate teeth, I hate people&#8217;s mouths, I am chronically afraid of halitosis)&#8221; I&#8217;ve made my decision, so everybody else get on board or shut it, because the GAVEL OF JUSTICE is coming.</p>
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    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Some things are better left unsaid...</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/05/some-things-are-better-left-un.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.179</id>

    <published>2010-05-25T18:25:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-05-25T18:27:44Z</updated>

    <summary>...but they still turn me inside out.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="family" label="family" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="food" label="food" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="guilttrip" label="guilt trip" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="life" label="life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="vegetarianism" label="vegetarianism" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve written about <a href="/archives/2007/07/you-know-it-aint-easy.php" title="You Know It Ain't Easy -- me and vegetarianism">being vegetarian</a> before. And I think I&#8217;ve made a little booboo. Okay, a huge, monstrous, mother of a booboo. Or two. Oh boy.</p>

<p>As a preface, I have to say that my mother&#8217;s diet gets more and more restrictive every year, mostly for religious/personal reasons. I think she&#8217;s in a, &#8220;What other weird seeds can I put on my cereal today&#8221; phase (the answer is <em>flax</em>, which doesn&#8217;t sound appealing at all). She recently dropped out onions and garlic (and derivatives), which I still don&#8217;t understand, but that&#8217;s not the pertinent issue. </p>

<p>The <em>problem</em> is <em>eggs</em>.</p>

<p>I didn&#8217;t know my mom didn&#8217;t eat eggs for a long time, mostly because she made so many allowances with what we could eating growing up that I just assumed she ate the same stuff. So whenever we baked or bought cookies, which contained eggs, I assumed she ate them from time to time. Then she got hooked on waffles. <em><strong>Egg</strong>o</em> waffles. She loves them, and I love them, and they&#8217;re one of the few non-Indian foods we share anymore. Which is why I can&#8217;t bring myself to tell her they have eggs in them, even if it&#8217;s right there on the label. I&#8217;m pretty sure it will evoke some horrible sense of guilt in her &#8212; even though eggs are <em>technically</em> vegetarian &#8212; and she might eat me in my sleep.</p>

<p>Cannibalism is <em>not</em> vegetarian, just <acronym title="For Your Information">FYI</acronym>.</p>

<p>Maybe I&#8217;m taking this too far. Maybe it&#8217;s a harmless omission for my mom. But not for my grandma, who has probably <em>never</em> had eggs before. And who ate a waffle yesterday. The guilt starts with my mom, but when I found out that my grandma had eaten one, I was on the verge of reading out the ingredients there and then.</p>

<h3>Back from the brink</h3>

<p>But two angry Indian women doesn&#8217;t seem much better than two contented Indian women.
The question is, where do I draw the line? If not at eggs, then what? There are so many questionable &#8220;vegetarian&#8221; products that even someone who is as conscious and anal about this stuff as I am has a hard time.</p>

<p>Even though I must seem like an asshole for doing this, I am <em>extremely</em> careful when I shop for my mom and grandma. I make sure there&#8217;s no onion or garlic, no eggs, low sugar, no fat. I check and double check the ingredients. I understand that, whatever my standards are in this weird and sometimes baffling food culture, their standards are far higher. So I have to pay attention.</p>
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        <![CDATA[<p>We brought home some yogurt today, and even though my mom wants my grandma to try it, I will do my damnedest to make sure I am the only one who eats it. Because unless you buy the nasty organic yogurt &#8212; which smells like formaldehyde and tastes worse for reasons I cannot fathom &#8212; you have to settle for something with gelatin. And I have come to terms with the fact that there <em>is</em> no vegetarian gelatin. There&#8217;s pectin, agar, etc, but no one in the industry is motivated to use that as a substitute. So yes, gelatin is <em>meat</em>. I can avoid it by substituting vegetarian marshmellows and PopTarts with pectin filling (even if they aren&#8217;t as good &#8212; and honestly? Why the hell do you <em>need</em> gelatin for a gooey fruit filling? JAM is gooey and fruit-filled, and guess what? It&#8217;s <em>ALL</em> pectin.). But I can&#8217;t avoid it in yogurt &#8212; at least, not in any yogurt that is suitable for human consumption, and doesn&#8217;t taste like pondscum.</p>

<p>Seriously, it&#8217;s <em>awful</em>.</p>

<p>I think my only option is to start buying waffles that don&#8217;t contain eggs and tell them both that, &#8220;These waffles are better&#8221; (they damn well better be). Oh, and I should probably go hide the yogurt. And ride out this guilt storm by making bad watercolors and stealing a TimeTurner so I can enjoy every last minute of <acronym title="Austin City Limits">ACL</acronym> this year.</p>
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    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Out spring some sparkling thoughts</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/05/out-spring-some-sparkling-thou.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.178</id>

    <published>2010-05-19T19:00:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-05-19T19:02:08Z</updated>

    <summary>Someday, I&apos;m going to look back on all of these posts I wrote about my novel, and wonder what the hell I was so worried about. I mean, I&apos;m bound to sell at least one copy. To my mom.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
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    <category term="stress" label="stress" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
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        <![CDATA[<p>I have just under a month before I start working, and I just realized that this is basically the way I&#8217;ve treated the entire last month or so of school, if not all of April and May combined. Aside from waking up and going to class, turning in papers and assignments, taking notes, cramming lunch breaks into ten-minute binges of pizza and juice, scheduling naps whenever and wherever there&#8217;s a free hour/fifteen minutes, and using <a href="http://www.hulu.com" title="Hulu">Hulu</a> as a way to keep myself from doing anything at all until after 11 PM &#8212; you know, all that college stuff &#8212; I&#8217;ve pretty much done exactly what I would be doing in Austin right now at home. Nothing. I have a month off, and my only accomplishment for the five or so days I&#8217;ve been home is I&#8217;ve killed a mountain of roaches, and I&#8217;ve moved a bottle of Goldbond lotion to my nightstand so I can slather all of the mosquito bites I got &#8230; yesterday, while watching old Scrubs and Doctor Who episodes on my DVR.</p>

<p>If this is the good life, I sort of want my old busy life back. With deadlines and responsibilities. I <em>did</em> say &#8220;sort of.&#8221; Everyone needs a break. I just find huge gaps of free time just a little more suffocating than actually sitting down and getting something done.</p>

<p>There <em>is</em> <strong>one</strong> encroaching deadline: Remember how I said I would get my novel done by <strong>June 30th</strong>? It was a pipe dream to begin with. My new goal is less impressive. I have to finish the first book (another 2,000 words or so) in the next few days so I can print everything I have so far, edit it extensively with a red pen (this is the fun part), and submit it by <strong>June 2nd</strong> for my free proof copy. I did my math wrong, it turns out.</p>

<p>I&#8217;m a little bummed for two reasons. First, I wish I had more of my book done. If I just worked at it a little harder, I think I <em>might</em> have at least been able to make some headway. But I know that I don&#8217;t have that sort of discipline unless I&#8217;m actually setting goals for myself. &#8220;Finish the book&#8221; is vague and unhelpful. &#8220;Write 2,000 words,&#8221; on the other hand, is something I can deal with.</p>

<p>Secondly, little did I know that &#8220;free proof copy,&#8221; doesn&#8217;t mean that you&#8217;ll get a manuscript copy of your book. You get an <em>actual</em> book. This is driving my life-long perfectionist streak up the wall, because I just <em>know</em> something&#8217;s going to go badly. Maybe it won&#8217;t matter because I&#8217;ll be holding the first part of my book in my hands. But there&#8217;s always the chance that I&#8217;ll open to one of the biggest scenes in the first part, and go, &#8220;Oh god, that was supposed to be an <em>apostrophe</em>.&#8221; And my world will just crumble around my feet.</p>

<p>Thank goodness no one but me has to read this yet. I just might die of shame.</p>
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        <![CDATA[<p>Now, don&#8217;t get me wrong. It&#8217;s <em>hard</em> writing a novel, and even though all I do is whine about it and not actually write as much as I&#8217;m supposed to, I <em>love</em> it. I love that I have this internal organization perfected so that I know exactly what&#8217;s supposed to happen next, which was always what scared me most. Characters are easy for me. So are descriptions. Structure, however, is difficult. I want to expound on every single thought that every character has, but I can&#8217;t do that unless I want to spend the next ten years writing my 2,000 chapter novel.</p>

<p>But I think the hardest part is writing something and not even knowing if anyone will ever want to read it. I entered a writing contest recently, and as I suspected, I didn&#8217;t win. But what surprised me was that everyone had submitted essentially the same types of stories and poems. I knew that by submitting fantasy, I had already lost that battle. But it made me wonder if there&#8217;s someone out there who is just dying to read the finished novel as much as I am. I desperately want there to be, but I think I can be happy if it&#8217;s just me for now &#8212; in my own little world.</p>
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    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>All the roads we have to walk</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/04/all-the-roads-we-have-to-walk.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.118</id>

    <published>2010-04-29T01:55:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-04-29T01:56:45Z</updated>

    <summary>You&apos;d think, for all the sugar I invariably eat in my room, I&apos;d be able to stay awake when I need to. Or I&apos;d be soluble in water or something. </summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="college" label="college" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="growingup" label="growing up" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="naps" label="naps" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="novel" label="novel" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="sleepy" label="sleepy" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writersblock" label="writer&apos;s block" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
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        <![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve made it to the end of April, and it still hasn&#8217;t hit me yet that in a few weeks, I&#8217;ll be a junior in college, and two months later, I&#8217;ll be twenty. The (relative) enormity of that hit me a few days ago, and I think my only recourse is to regress into my nine-year-old state, where all I did was kick boys in the shins and play with Lego ponies. Which is, more or less, what I do now, I guess. But <em>twenty</em>? Now I don&#8217;t think they&#8217;ll let me get Subway&#8217;s Kid&#8217;s Meals without giving me creepy looks and putting a big picture of my face behind the counter.</p>

<p>All I wanted was the toy. And the cookie. And the juice box. Sigh.</p>

<p>I haven&#8217;t done a lot of work with the novel. I know, I&#8217;ve had months and months to work on it, but some days, I clamber onto my bed and I&#8217;m just asleep within five minutes of coming back from class. Mostly because I got into a habit of sleeping around 3 or 4 AM, and waking up at  8, or as it happens, 8:40 AM for a 9 AM class. It&#8217;s hard to break a pattern of sleeping badly or being unproductive. It&#8217;s even worse when your creativity fluctuates. I spent the last week doing &#8220;art&#8221; (I call them <em>fancy doodles</em> &#8212; best of both worlds), and not writing. Now, I think the good times are coming back.</p>

<p>There is one bright spot, though: I entered a writing contest a few weeks back, and I had to print out a twenty-page segment of my novel to turn in. I ended up with two copies of each work, and on the way back, I started reading through them. I couldn&#8217;t believe how different everything sounded, felt, <em>seemed</em> just because I was holding it in my hand, not staring at it on a screen. I felt captivated, which is the first <em>great</em> sign I&#8217;ve had in a long time. Probably since <strong>NaNoWriMo</strong>. Then it started to rain, and I had to put them away, but those ten minutes? Bliss. I guess it just goes to show you. Even a <em>laser printer</em> can change your life for the better.</p>

<p>Here&#8217;s to three more weeks of spring, and then the scalding-hot peace of mind to follow.</p>
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<entry>
    <title>Oh, let&apos;s go back to the start</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/04/oh-lets-go-back-to-the-start.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.177</id>

    <published>2010-04-07T20:25:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-04-07T21:53:46Z</updated>

    <summary>In which I take a lot of notes and completely befuddle myself with basic math. And in which no children get married due to my miscalculations. Hopefully.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="Writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="deliberations" label="deliberations" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="novel" label="novel" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="pasttense" label="past tense" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="presenttense" label="present tense" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;m going to apologize in advance to anyone who ever has to read my novel later, but I wanted to try something out. Most of my novel is written in past tense, with snippets in present tense where memories are concerned or flashbacks or dreams to make the past tense seem more vivid and fluid. But I threw in a whole chapter &#8212; a prologue really &#8212; written in present tense. And I love it. But it&#8217;s set about thirty years before the start of the novel. What this amounts to is that the present is written in past tense and the past is written in present tense. I thought that was clever. In hindsight. Really, I just wanted to mess around with a scene in my head, and the best way for it to come together was just as it did.</p>

<p>A lot of this is due to my chronology. I really set myself up for confusion by starting one of my prologues (there are <em>three</em> because I am ridiculous) twenty years before the first chapter, and tacking on each consecutive prologue before the first. So, I suppose, instead of covering eighty years in thirty chapters, I&#8217;m covering about ten years in twenty seven chapters, and the relevant bits of the past in three prologues (spread out over three books). In terms of skimming the story down to the immediate action, that is very nearly the best I can do.</p>

<p>I really like present tense, but I feel like it&#8217;s easy to abuse. I use it sparingly, because if I didn&#8217;t have any reserve with it, I would keep writing chapters in present tense and lose track of my plot entirely. In this particular section, I thought I&#8217;d use it to give one of my characters a memory from her own point of view &#8212; you don&#8217;t really get to see a lot of her in her own mind, or with her family. Here&#8217;s a snippet:</p>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Sanctuary</h4>
<p>They stand before her like other men &#8212; not her boys, not the babes she taught to read, to walk, to sing. Fera &#8212; Feruq, after his grandfather &#8212; is taller, but Ithas is built stronger. Morica laughs with them, straightens their tunics. Even at fourteen, she stands tall enough to meet her brothers&#8217; eyes, and Rema, outside this triangle of her children, sighs in contentment. She has them now, all three of them. But today, the war begins, and nothing will be the same after this. So she treasures this, and does not close her eyes. Still, somehow, she misses them, and when the boys turn to go, she realizes that she has not said a word to them at all. It is almost too late now. The horses are clattering their way down the hill into the valley. But she cries out above the wind, above the clamor of her cowardice, and they return: her boys, always her boys. There are too many words to say, too many fears that she will not name. Ithas will return and take his father&#8217;s title. Fera will become a statesman, a Paladin perhaps, for all roads are open to him. Morica, she will have into her old age, a little longer than the boys, reckless as they are, trying to sieve glory out of a war that has not yet begun. Not yet.</p>
</div>

<p>I haven&#8217;t quite finished this chapter, so I don&#8217;t know what the last third will hold. Something about war and intrigue and such &#8212; nothing huge. I&#8217;ll keep you posted!</p>
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<entry>
    <title>What I really want to say</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/03/what-i-really-want-to-say.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.176</id>

    <published>2010-03-27T03:36:45Z</published>
    <updated>2010-03-27T04:09:32Z</updated>

    <summary>I&apos;m pretty sure that I&apos;ve just screwed up my sleeping schedule AGAIN for the next few weeks. At least I&apos;m not narcoleptic. Yet.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
        <category term="Writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="busy" label="busy" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="college" label="college" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nanowrimo" label="NaNoWriMo" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="novel" label="novel" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="school" label="school" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>A few days ago, I hit 200 pages on my novel, and I sat there for a few minutes looking at the number wondering exactly how I&#8217;d made it that far. I&#8217;d come close several years ago, with a much older draft. I probably skimmed 180 and thought, <em>Well, this is it. I don&#8217;t know how much more I can write.</em> I&#8217;m not over that fear even now. If it weren&#8217;t for the fact that I keep adding chapters to deal with the gaps in narrative, I would be halfway done with the book by now. I&#8217;m not. </p>

<p>I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have so much more story in me. I&#8217;ve spent six years so far trying to get just the first section &#8212; all the exposition I could ever write &#8212; done so that I can proceed to the sections that actually begin to utilize the maelstrom of conflict that I&#8217;ve brewed so far. And while those parts of the story are not yet clarified in my mind, I know, very roughly, what I want. The story can only get longer from here, which makes my June 30th deadline a little scarier. But considering that I didn&#8217;t start writing this section until, perhaps,  halfway into March &#8212; rather than February, which would have been ideal &#8212; and I didn&#8217;t average more than perhaps 1,000 words a day, if that, there&#8217;s still a chance that I&#8217;ll make it if I keep up to my original schedule. But I almost think I&#8217;ve lost the discipline to force myself to churn out 2,000 words a day. Sometimes, I&#8217;ll come to a sentence that I absolutely cannot phrase in any pleasant way, and I sit there staring at it for minutes upon minutes, and all I can think about is, &#8220;Why isn&#8217;t this working?&#8221;</p>

<p>Then, there&#8217;s the matter of plot. Since NaNoWriMo, I&#8217;ve added five chapters to the first third of my book, making it nearly as big as my intended second and third sections together. That doesn&#8217;t sit well with me for obvious reasons, and it means that either I&#8217;ll have to whittle down the first third to its bare bones, or beef up the second and third which, as of yet, are still hanging around in my head waiting for me to write them down. At this point, anything is possible, and I&#8217;m grateful for that. My brand new netbook (an <strong>Acer Aspire One</strong>) is really helping me out as well. Plus it&#8230;matches my stapler.</p>

<p>I apologize, like always, for the huge hiatus in posts. We had nearly fifteen people at our house (including us) over Spring Break, which was hectic and busy and incredibly fun, and for the first time this semester, I actually feel like the end is in sight. And I know it&#8217;s silly to go through my education just waiting to be done with everything, but I have some exciting summer plans to look forward to. If everything works out, I&#8217;ll post all of the fancy details here.</p>

<p>Right. So last night, we drove out to San Antonio at 11 PM (for hassling purposes) and got back around 5:30 AM. I stayed up for another hour churning Greek into my brain (<em>&#964;&#953;&#952;&#951;&#956;&#953;, &#964;&#953;&#952;&#951;&#962;, &#964;&#953;&#952;&#951;&#963;&#953;&#957;</em>) before going to sleep, getting up at 8:30, and owning things until I finally crashed at 4 PM. I probably shouldn&#8217;t do this as often as I&#8217;ve been doing this this semester, but as long as I can get things done &#8212; and done well &#8212; I don&#8217;t see why I shouldn&#8217;t enjoy a late-night-harassment-run or two.</p>
]]>
        

    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>I know I&apos;m not a hopeless case</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/03/i-know-im-not-a-hopeless-case.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.175</id>

    <published>2010-03-04T23:10:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-03-04T23:10:59Z</updated>

    <summary>In which I ramble at length about people who make judgments about other people, their majors, and their futures.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="academia" label="academia" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="careers" label="careers" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="classics" label="classics" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="college" label="college" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="life" label="life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="majors" label="majors" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="rant" label="rant" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="stupid" label="stupid" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve just about lost my patience with a number of things, so I thought I might as well pour them out with the disclaimer that I haven&#8217;t slept well recently, and really, all I want from the world at this point is a cupcake or a strawberry donut:</p>

<h3>In no particular order</h3>

<ul>
<li>People who call themselves &#8220;social media experts,&#8221; but their advice consists of telling people to use social media sites? Wasn&#8217;t that implied? Seriously.</li>
<li>Business-y words (a lot of business-y things, actually). Marketing, branding, and a host of others. People use them without knowing what they mean, or proceed to use them in all of their conversations. It <em>is</em> possible to overuse certain aspects of the English language.</li>
<li>Weak handshakes.</li>
<li>People who think weak handshakes actually imply something about a person, other than that they have weak handshakes.</li>
<li>The idea that a perception or first impression is absolute.</li>
<li>Cobras. Why, do you actually like cobras?</li>
<li>Young adult novels.</li>
<li>Arrogance, especially arrogance as a result of authority, and especially especially arrogance <em>without</em> any privilege or authority.</li>
<li>People who look down on other people for <em>any</em> reason and justify themselves in doing so</li>
</ul>

<p>Those are some pretty generic complaints about society. But none of them bothers me quite as much as someone telling me my major is useless. I am, quite happily, a Classics major &#8212; and while it&#8217;s annoying having to explain what that is to people, most of whom assume something about literature or &#8220;learning languages,&#8221; and assume that that&#8217;s all there is to it. The reason I chose Classics is because it contains programs of language study <em>and</em> history <em>and</em> literature <em>and</em> anthropology/archaeology. Those are all fields I was interested in before I came to UT, and I was happy that what I loved doing before I got to UT was still viable, and more importantly, a denser subject than I knew it to be.</p>

<p>We&#8217;ve being doing this thing at my school called &#8220;Career Week&#8221; recently, in an effort to get students thinking about their future careers and what they want to do when they graduate. I think the intent is noble: the events publicize the fact that there are other options after college than getting a job immediately. As a result, I sat through a few panels for Classics majors (there aren&#8217;t many of us) and Plan II majors (it&#8217;s an interdisciplinary honors program/major &#8212; that&#8217;s the simplest explanation I can give). And I left them awestruck. Both panels told me, essentially, that Plan II and Classics were both augments, and that what I learned in them wouldn&#8217;t be directly applicable to any career. They were, essentially, bragging points &#8212; resume boosters. </p>

<p>Here&#8217;s my take. Plan II is better as a buffer, certainly. If you&#8217;re doing a Plan II major, chances are you&#8217;ll end up double majoring anyway, because you&#8217;ll be taking courses in a preferred field of study, and ideally come out of it with tons of credits. Then again, you could spend the whole time you&#8217;re in Plan II enjoying Plan II for what it is, and take courses in so many different areas of study that you can&#8217;t even keep them straight in your head. Even this is admirable, and that&#8217;s what I love about my honors program.</p>

<p>The thing is, Classics is an <em>actual</em>, full-fledged major. It is by no means an augment. It is something you do for four years. There is a structured, focused course of study, and your degree lends you a certain credibility in all sorts of fields. Incidentally, not even all of the advisors really know what a Classics major is, but it amounts to this: all of the advisors assume is that you won&#8217;t be one of the people who ends up going into academia  &#8212; which is legitimate &#8212; but still, the point shouldn&#8217;t be to tell someone that their whole course of study won&#8217;t get them a &#8220;real&#8221; job, or to convince them that they have to start exploring all of their interests, in case they find an unusual talent for birdsong or making tiny, mechanical foxes that they want to do for the rest of their life. It&#8217;s like saying, &#8220;While you were too busy translating Latin, you forgot how much you loved microwaves, until this specific moment when you were making popcorn, and you dropped what you were doing (mostly the popcorn) and went to work for General Electric.&#8221; Who does that kind of story benefit? Certainly not those of us who love what we&#8217;re doing beyond belief.</p>

<p>I know that, when I graduate, I want to spend some time getting graduate degrees &#8212; hopefully a <acronym title="Doctor of Philosophy">Ph.D.</acronym>, if I&#8217;m not burned out at that point. And then I want to do some combination of teaching and writing professionally. It&#8217;s really that simple. I won&#8217;t make a lot of money &#8212; I&#8217;m fine with that. If I get a job doing something I don&#8217;t like, I&#8217;m going to be miserable. Don&#8217;t tell me that my major will lead me straight to a desk job with TPS reports and water coolers. Because that&#8217;s my choice, and mine alone.</p>
]]>
        

    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>We shine with brightness</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/02/we-shine-with-brightness.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.174</id>

    <published>2010-02-13T23:20:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-02-14T04:04:05Z</updated>

    <summary>Excerpts from the works of some of my favorite modern poets &#8212; including T.S. Eliot, Anne Sexton, and Edna St. Vincent Millay.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="Writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="inspiration" label="inspiration" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="literature" label="literature" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="modernists" label="modernists" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="poems" label="poems" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="poetry" label="poetry" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>I don&#8217;t really talk about poetry very much, nor do I write a lot of it. I usually leave that sort of stuff to <a href="http://www.lindsaysscribblings.com" title="Lindsay's Scribblings">Lindsay</a>, because she&#8217;s got me beat when rhyme and rhythm are concerned. But nonetheless, I love it to pieces.</p>

<p>I rather like Petrarch and Dante, but in the late Renaissance, sonnets and odes about love and lost love and being sad about lost love start becoming excruciatingly common place, and the tedium of it bores me. I&#8217;m going to go ahead and blame England for this one, but come the late 18th and early 19th-centuries, poets like Shelley, Keats, Tennyson, and Byron start redeeming the sins of the lovelorn &#8212; or at least making it more palatable. But I love modern poetry (I&#8217;m going to define this as just poems of the 20th century, for simplicity&#8217;s sake) just a bit more. I can&#8217;t explain it. I know that, for every Ezra Pound or Anne Sexton, there are a thousand, <em>terrible</em>, modern poets.</p>

<p>So I went and scoured the internet for my favorite examples of modern poetry. Sometimes, I picked poems I have read many, many times before. Other times, I stumbled upon a work I liked by an author I had only read in passing before, and found something new to love and appreciate. My compendium includes <strong>Eliot, Neruda, Sexton,  Millay, Sandburg,</strong> and <strong>Plath</strong>. As you&#8217;ve probably noticed, I keep fiddling with the poems I selected, because I keep forgetting which ones I liked, and I keep finding new ones I like even more. <em>Many of these poems are merely excerpts (marked with an &#133;)</em>, but I hope you like them!</p>

<h3>T.S. Eliot</h3>

<p>These are actually two of my favorite Eliot poems. Both <em>Marina</em> and <em>Ash Wednesday</em> are lyrical, solemn, and beautiful, and are some of Eliot&#8217;s more accessible poems. I love <em>The Wasteland</em> personally, but it is <em>very</em> abstract. So there we are:</p>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Marina (&#133;)</h4>
<p>What is this face, less clear and clearer<br /> 
The pulse in the arm, less strong and stronger&#8218; 
Given or lent? more distant than stars and nearer than the eye<br /> 
Whispers and small laughter between leaves and hurrying feet<br /> 
Under sleep, where all the waters meet.</p>

<p>Bowsprit cracked with ice and paint cracked with heat.<br /> 
I made this, I have forgotten<br /> 
And remember.<br />
The rigging weak and the canvas rotten<br />
Between one June and another September.<br />
Made this unknowing, half conscious, unknown, my own.<br />
The garboard strake leaks, the seams need caulking.<br />
This form, this face, this life<br />
Living to live in a world of time beyond me; let me<br /> 
Resign my life for this life, my speech for that unspoken,<br />
The awakened, lips parted, the hope, the new ships.</p>

<p>What seas what shores what granite islands towards my timbers<br />
And woodthrush calling through the fog<br />
My daughter.</p>
</div>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Ash Wednesday (&#133;)</h4>
<p><strong>VI.</strong> Although I do not hope to turn again<br />
Although I do not hope<br />
Although I do not hope to turn</p>

<p>Wavering between the profit and the loss<br />
In this brief transit where the dreams cross<br />
The dreamcrossed twilight between birth and dying<br />
(Bless me father) though I do not wish to wish these things<br />
From the wide window towards the granite shore<br />
The white sails still fly seaward, seaward flying<br />
Unbroken wings</p>

<p>And the lost heart stiffens and rejoices<br />
In the lost lilac and the lost sea voices<br />
And the weak spirit quickens to rebel<br />
For the bent golden-rod and the lost sea smell<br />
Quickens to recover<br />
The cry of quail and the whirling plover<br />
And the blind eye creates<br />
The empty forms between the ivory gates<br />
And smell renews the salt savour of the sandy earth</p>

<p>This is the time of tension between dying and birth<br />
The place of solitude where three dreams cross<br />
Between blue rocks<br />
But when the voices shaken from the yew-tree drift away<br />
Let the other yew be shaken and reply.</p>

<p>Bless&#232;d sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain, spirit of the 
garden,<br />
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood<br />
Teach us to care and not to care<br />
Teach us to sit still<br />
Even among these rocks,<br />
Our peace in His will<br />
And even among these rocks<br />
Sister, mother<br />
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,<br />
Suffer me not to be separated</p>

<p>And let my cry come unto Thee.</p>
</div>

<h3>Sylvia Plath</h3>

<p>I actually hadn&#8217;t read much Sylvia Plath prior to this post, but I wasn&#8217;t surprised to find a lucid, eloquent voice, even in times of bitterness, anger, and anguish.</p>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Sonnet: To Eva (&#133;)</h4>
<p>This was a woman : her loves and stratagems<br />
Betrayed in mute geometry of broken<br />
Cogs and disks, inane mechanic whims,<br />
And idle coils of jargon yet unspoken.</p>

<p>Not man nor demigod could put together<br />
The scraps of rusted reverie, the wheels<br />
Of notched tin platitudes concerning weather,<br />
Perfume, politics, and fixed ideals.</p>

<p>The idiot bird leaps up and drunken leans<br />
To chirp the hour in lunatic thirteens.</p>
</div>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Candles (&#133;)</h4>
<p>They are the last romantics, these candles:<br />
Upside-down hearts of light tipping wax fingers,<br />
And the fingers, taken in by their own haloes,<br />
Grown milky, almost clear, like the bodies of saints.<br />
It is touching, the way they&#8217;ll ignore</p>

<p>A whole family of prominent objects<br />
Simply to plumb the deeps of an eye<br />
In its hollow of shadows, its fringe of reeds,<br />
And the owner past thirty, no beauty at all.<br />
Daylight would be more judicious,</p>

<p>Giving everybody a fair hearing.<br />
They should have gone out with the balloon flights and the stereopticon.<br />
This is no time for the private point of view.<br />
When I light them, my nostrils prickle.<br />
Their pale, tentative yellows</p>

<p>&#133;</p>

<p>They mollify the bald moon.<br />
Nun-souled, they burn heavenward and never marry.<br />
The eyes of the child I nurse are scarcely open.<br />
In twenty years I shall be retrograde<br />
As these drafty ephemerids.</p>

<p>I watch their spilt tears cloud and dull to pearls.<br />
How shall I tell anything at all<br />
To this infant still in a birth-drowse?<br />
Tonight, like a shawl, the mild light enfolds her,<br />
The shadows stoop over the guests at a christening.</p>
</div>

<h3>Pablo Neruda</h3>

<p>I read Neruda for the first time in English, senior year of high school. I took a poem in the original Spanish and set about translating it into English via Latin. For the life of me, I can&#8217;t remember what that poem was, but I found one about a penguin, so that will have to suffice:</p>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Magellanic Penguin (&#133;)</h4>
<p>I was without doubt the child bird<br />
there in the cold archipelagoes<br />
when it looked at me with its eyes,<br />
with its ancient ocean eyes:<br />
it had neither arms nor wings<br />
but hard little oars<br />
on its sides:<br />
it was as old as the salt;<br />
the age of moving water,<br />
and it looked at me from its age:<br />
since then I know I do not exist;<br />
I am a worm in the sand.</p>

<p>The reasons for my respect<br />
remained in the sand:<br />
the religious bird<br />
did not need to fly,<br />
did not need to sing,<br />
and through its form was visible<br />
its wild soul bled salt:<br />
as if a vein from the bitter sea<br />
had been broken.</p>
</div>
]]>
        <![CDATA[<h3>Carl Sandburg</h3>

<p>Everyone knows Sandburg&#8217;s <em>Fog</em>, but I decided to rummage further and came up with these. I&#8217;m a sucker for classical references, so <em>A Sphinx</em> was a given (I had to fight myself not to put down Plath&#8217;s <em>The Colossus</em>); <em>At A Window</em> was just too sweet to not include though.</p>

<div class="indent">
<h4>A Sphinx</h4>
<p>Close-mouthed you sat five thousand years and never<br />
let out a whisper.<br />
Processions came by, marchers, asking questions you<br />
answered with grey eyes never blinking, shut lips<br />
never talking.<br />
Not one croak of anything you know has come from your<br />
cat crouch of ages.<br />
I am one of those who know all you know and I keep my<br />
questions: I know the answers you hold.</p>
</div>

<div class="indent">
<h4>At A Window</h4>
<p>Give me hunger,<br />
O you gods that sit and give<br />
The world its orders.<br />
Give me hunger, pain and want,<br />
Shut me out with shame and failure<br />
From your doors of gold and fame,<br />
Give me your shabbiest, weariest hunger!</p>

<p>But leave me a little love,<br />
A voice to speak to me in the day end,<br />
A hand to touch me in the dark room<br />
Breaking the long loneliness.<br />
In the dusk of day-shapes<br />
Blurring the sunset,<br />
One little wandering, western star<br />
Thrust out from the changing shores of shadow.<br />
Let me go to the window,<br />
Watch there the day-shapes of dusk<br />
And wait and know the coming<br />
Of a little love.</p>
</div>

<h3>Anne Sexton</h3>

<p>I read through Sexton&#8217;s complete works last year in English, and was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked her. <em>Unknown Girl in the Maternity Ward</em> is touching, and at the same time, touched with fear, or worry on Sexton&#8217;s part; <em>Letter Written on a Ferry</em> is a beautiful poem &#8212; I only included the last part because I love the last line &#8212; but I wish the circumstances in which I read it for the first time weren&#8217;t as unpleasant. Hopefully, I&#8217;ll get over that little memory soon.</p>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Unknown Girl in the Maternity Ward (&#133;)</h4>
<p>Down the hall the baskets start back. My arms<br />
fit you like a sleeve, they hold<br />
catkins of your willows, the wild bee farms<br />
of your nerves, each muscle and fold<br />
of your first days. Your old man&#8217;s face disarms<br />
the nurses. But the doctors return to scold<br />
me. I speak. It is you my silence harms.<br />
I should have known; I should have told<br />
them something to write down. My voice alarms<br />
my throat. &#8220;Name of father&#8212;none.&#8221; I hold<br />
you and name you bastard in my arms.</p>

<p>And now that&#8217;s that. There is nothing more<br />
that I can say or lose.<br />
Others have traded life before<br />
and could not speak. I tighten to refuse<br />
your owling eyes, my fragile visitor.<br />
I touch your cheeks, like flowers. You bruise<br />
against me. We unlearn. I am a shore<br />
rocking off you. You break from me. I choose<br />
your only way, my small inheritor<br />
and hand you off, trembling the selves we lose.<br />
Go child, who is my sin and nothing more.</p>
</div>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Letter Written on a Ferry While Crossing Long Island Sound  (&#133;)</h4>
<p>There go my dark girls,<br />   
their dresses puff<br />   
in the leeward air.<br />
Oh, they are lighter than flying dogs<br />   
or the breath of dolphins;<br />
each mouth opens gratefully,<br />
wider than a milk cup.<br />
My dark girls sing for this.<br />
They are going up.<br />
See them rise<br />
on black wings, drinking<br />
the sky, without smiles<br />
or hands<br />
or shoes.<br />
They call back to us<br />
from the gauzy edge of paradise,<br />
<em>good news, good news.</em></p>
</div>

<h3>Edna St. Vincent Millay</h3>

<p>Millay is one of the more old-fashioned modernists. She wrote a lot of sonnets, a magnum opus &#8212; <em>Renascence</em> &#8212; and then, poems like this. Again, classical references. I&#8217;m sold.</p>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Ode to Silence (&#133;)</h4>
<p>This is her province whom you lack and seek;<br />
And seek her not elsewhere.<br />
Hell is a thoroughfare<br />
For pilgrims,&#8212;Herakles,<br />
And he that loved Euridice too well,<br />
Have walked therein; and many more than these;<br />
And witnessed the desire and the despair<br />
Of souls that passed reluctantly and sicken for the air;<br />
You, too, have entered Hell,<br />
And issued thence; but thence whereof I speak<br />
None has returned;&#8212;for thither fury brings<br />
Only the driven ghosts of them that flee before all things.<br />
Oblivion is the name of this abode: and she is there.</p>
</div>

<p>And just for funsies, having made it this far, I&#8217;d like to show off <em>Ozymandius</em>, one of my favorite poems. Shelley is by no means a modernist, but, at this point, who cares?:</p>

<h3>Percy Bysshe Shelley</h3>

<div class="indent">
<h4>Ozymandius</h4>
<p>I met a traveler from an antique land<br /> 
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone<br /> 
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,<br /> 
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,<br /> 
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,<br /> 
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read<br /> 
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,<br /> 
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;<br /> 
And on the pedestal these words appear:<br /> 
&#8220;My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:<br /> 
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!&#8221;<br /> 
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay<br /> 
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare<br /> 
The lone and level sands stretch far away.</p>
</div>
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    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Stuck true to your obsessions</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/01/stuck-true-to-your-obsessions.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.131</id>

    <published>2010-01-24T01:35:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-01-24T01:34:51Z</updated>

    <summary>I have five months to finish my novel. Join me in screaming out loud in 5. 4. 3. 2...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="Writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="books" label="books" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="busy" label="busy" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="chaos" label="chaos" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="drawings" label="drawings" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="illustration" label="illustration" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nanowrimo" label="NaNoWriMo" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>It&#8217;s almost the end of January, and I&#8217;m already setting myself deadlines. My calendar is already pockmarked with various page numbers, chapters, quizzes to be completed &#8212; and this is just for the next few weeks. On top of that, I&#8217;m going to make myself sit down and have a finished, draft copy of my novel ready by <strong>June 30th</strong>. Right now, I&#8217;m sitting at about <strong>83,000 words</strong> (thanks to my <em>50,633</em> from this year&#8217;s NaNoWriMo.)</p>

<p>This seems outrageous, mostly to me, because usually this is where I stop a draft and start over completely. I&#8217;ve done it twice before, and I&#8217;m terrified that I&#8217;m going to pause halfway through, reach back to the beginning, and make my protagonists leprechauns or something, and then the rest of the story wouldn&#8217;t work because they weren&#8217;t small, mystical, <em>or</em> Irish. This honestly haunts my every waking thought.</p>

<p>Where I stand right now, I&#8217;m about <sup>1</sup>/<sub>3</sub>rd through the novel. All of the exposition is done, most of the characters have been introduced, everything is screwed up, and a lot of other things are in motion, namely death and destruction and probably some evil babies or something. I&#8217;m not quite caught up there. Now, 50,000 words in a month is remarkably doable if you sacrifice a bit of sleep and tranquilize your control-freak inner editor, who says that &#8220;squirm&#8221; is a much better word than &#8220;wiggle,&#8221; and that you really don&#8217;t know anything about botany, except for what you looked up on Wikipedia to make sure you weren&#8217;t putting tropical plants in a tundra setting. (Did you know there&#8217;s such a thing as an &#8220;<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dioscorea_bulbifera" title="Air Potato">Air Potato</a>?&#8221;).</p>

<p>But goodness, I need to write at least 100,000 words in five months without slacking off. The word count doesn&#8217;t scare me as much as the idea that I will have to constantly motivate myself over half a year to get this done. Considering that formatting alone will take me a month and a crate of Kleenexes and maybe some Lasik, And editing &#8212; oh boy, editing. Editing will probably take me the rest of my life. I really don&#8217;t have any time to waste. Other than the time I&#8217;m taking to write about this. If only novel writing was this easy.</p>

<p>I have learned one thing. If you let the story just race out of you, the plot usually comes together on its own &#8212; roughly, but it&#8217;s still viable. I&#8217;ve gotten away with preparing one-line outlines, or none at all, and my chapters seem to have seamed themselves together. Additionally, because I&#8217;ve been working with these characters for so long, I&#8217;ve stopped trying to reinvent the characters themselves. They&#8217;re set in stone. They won&#8217;t change, even if I tried to. But I <em>can</em> change their roles. I leave blanks in my plot for certain roles to be filled, and when I&#8217;m close enough to the scene, the right name fits into place. That way, everything that needs to happen is taken care of, and hopefully by the right character.</p>

<p>Editing this beast is going to be hilarious. I&#8217;ll post snippets along the way. Here&#8217;s one for the road:</p>

<div class="indent">
<p>&#8220;Mercy!&#8221; shouted Murron, shaking in her white robe. Elodan did not look for her, but continued to wait for the cold, sharp blade to fall across his neck and sever him from his body. He would live but a few moments after that, his eyes blinking closed and his mouth falling open, forming words that no amount of air could voice. He would say, humbly, honestly, &#8220;Show me no mercy.&#8221; When the last word rang out in the air, he thought, <em>Here comes the darkness. Here come the nameless gods out to receive me, with their vessels and banners and knowing eyes. They will say that Elodan must live a thousand more lives, must be born lame, blind, and withered, cursed beyond belief for his sins. So too must Ekar Kamo,</em> Elodan would whisper, and the spirits would agree with their heads bowed.</p>
<p><em>But perhaps,</em> one would add, <em>he has already undertaken his penance.</em>
<p><em>You are not infallible, Elodan of Trea.</em></p>
<p><em>Then what hope have I of mercy?</em> he would plead.</p>
<p>&#8220;Mercy!&#8221; she cried again, clutching at Ekar&#8217;s elbow. The chancellor turned and lowered his sword, watching her quizically. Jeffard covered his mouth in with his hand to hide his surprise and abject terror.</p>
</div>

<h3>Additionally</h3>

<p>I took a crack at illustrations, and I threw some up (more or less) on <a href="/about.php" title="About me">some</a> <a href="/archives/" title="Previous entries">of</a> <a href="/portfolio/" title="Past work">my</a> <a href="/contact.php" title="Send me a message!">pages</a>. I&#8217;m not sure what aesthetic I want to convey. I always have the hardest time illustrating things for myself, because I could do almost anything and get away with it, <em>almost</em> being the key word. I tried a little grunge, a little bathroom stall, a little whimsy. I wanted them to be somewhat rough, so wherever I&#8217;ve colored outside of the lines, it&#8217;s not my fault &#8212; I mastered neat coloring very early on (except with paints) &#8212; I did it on purpose.</p>

<p>Let me know how you like them!</p>
]]>
        

    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>And still this emptiness persists</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/01/and-still-this-emptiness-persi.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.173</id>

    <published>2010-01-14T23:02:25Z</published>
    <updated>2010-01-16T05:48:51Z</updated>

    <summary>I think I just talked myself into learning Perl to fiddle with Movable Type. Someone save me.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="Geekery" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="41" label="4.1" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="50" label="5.0" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="movabletype" label="Movable Type" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="perl" label="Perl" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="programming" label="programming" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="rant" label="rant" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="wordpress" label="WordPress" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>There was a moment last week when I thought that I could honestly switch to <strong>WordPress</strong> and have no problem with it, but every time I design with it, I feel like I&#8217;m cobbling something together instead of using the defined framework. It&#8217;s a little hard to tell, because sometimes you find regular PHP beside template tags. Granted, it <em>works</em>, and that should be all that matters. But I do love that <strong>Movable Type</strong> defines most of the things you will ever need for your site in advance. It just helps cement my choice of <abbr title="Content Management System">CMS</abbr> a little more thoroughly.</p>

<p>There are a few things I would change, and a few of these I have <a href="/archives/2008/05/to-clarify-and-classify.php" title="Biscuitrat: To clarify and classify."><em>definitely</em></a> brought up before.</p>

<ol><li><h3>Features</h3>
This one is a little nitpicky, since I have no complaints about the bulk of Movable Type&#8217;s built-in features, but did you know that Movable Type hasn&#8217;t had proper article pagination until <strong>Version 4.3</strong> (<em>please correct me if I&#8217;m wrong</em>)? I&#8217;m talking a simple previous/next entries link at the bottom of the page. I racked my brain trying to find a solution to work on my poor little <strong>4.1</strong> installation, but all of my best efforts failed. I tried about four plugins, and none of them managed to do anything either. Which brings me to my next point:</li>

<li><h3>Plugins</h3>
I don&#8217;t know what happened to the developer community for Movable Type, but there&#8217;s not too many of them left. Just for comparison&#8217;s sake, WordPress has <em>7,965</em> available plugins. Movable Type has a mere 910. I&#8217;ll leave the guffawing and math to you guys. In the mean time, I might start writing my own, although this seems like a bad idea all over.

Now, quantity <em>usually</em> doesn&#8217;t matter, and there are quite a few quality plugins on <a href="http://www.movabletype.org" title="Movable Type.org">the community site</a>, but maybe only one working version, or perhaps two, of the same sort of script. 
What ends up happening is that you don&#8217;t have alternatives to turn to if nothing works out. And when you really want help, the place you turn to first is the community forum:</li>

<li><h3>Support</h3>
I can rant and rave about this at length. Fewer users means fewer knowledgeable users, which means fewer people who have answers rather than more questions. It really keeps coming down to the size of the community. You can have all the functionality in the world built into your <abbr title="Content Management System">CMS</abbr>, but if no one&#8217;s constantly surging ahead and syncing it with the latest technologies, it won&#8217;t matter at all. There&#8217;s not a great deal of dignity in being just behind the baseline.
</li>

<li><h3>External Help</h3>
A lot of the really great sites for Movable Type help that I mentioned in one of my previous posts, like <a href="http://www.movabletweak.com/" title="Movable Tweak">Movable Tweak</a>, <a href="http://learningmovabletype.com/" title="Learning Movable Type">Learning Movable Type</a>, and <a href="http://movalog.com/" title="Movalog">Movalog</a> have either stopped updating or just don&#8217;t work. It&#8217;s always a good sign if the company that makes the product has the best support site for it, but it&#8217;s slightly more tragic when it&#8217;s the only one around. I mean, where do you go to when there&#8217;s nothing else?
</li></ol>

<h2>Solutions</h2>

<p>I encourage developers, programmers, and curious minds to try sparking some new life into <a href="http://www.movabletype.org" title="Movable Type.org">MovableType.org</a>. It&#8217;s a wonderful platform, and while most people aren&#8217;t comfortable with Perl/CGI &#8212; that&#8217;s it, isn&#8217;t it? PHP is more accessible? &#8212; it doesn&#8217;t look too bad. Hell, if I say I&#8217;m going to try it, it can&#8217;t be that bad. </p>

<p>I think a lot of you guys will get the impression that I&#8217;m just punishing myself by using <abbr title="Movable Type">MT</abbr>, by wearing myself out until I just shiver and hallucinate about WordPress all day, but it&#8217;s just because I really like this system, and I hate to see it wear away. <a href="http://www.sixapart.com">Six Apart</a> is doing their part by creating a brand new version which, aside from the admin panel woes, and the catering towards a community site rather than a personal blog &#8212; hence the word &#8220;site&#8221; throughout. Now I think it&#8217;s my turn to chip in.</p>

<p>Or perhaps, this is as good as it gets.</p>
]]>
        

    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>Supposed to fire my imagination</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/01/supposed-to-fire-my-imaginatio.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.162</id>

    <published>2010-01-09T01:10:00Z</published>
    <updated>2010-01-09T01:11:58Z</updated>

    <summary>I just launched a new design. See! Clouds! Now I can go outside again and see what they actually look like...</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="Commentary" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
        <category term="Design" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="css" label="CSS" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="cufon" label="Cufon" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="design" label="design" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="photoshop" label="Photoshop" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="php" label="PHP" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="redesign" label="redesign" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thoughts" label="thoughts" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>I am happy to announce that my new design is up and running fairly well. This morning, I made a dynamic menu/title (the former, thanks to <a href="http://jontangerine.com/log/2008/02/designer-php-a-dynamic-menu-with-if-and-else" title="Jon Tan: Dynamic Menus with PHP">this article</a>, the latter a result of some very basic programming &#8212; but I&#8217;m not here to brag). I&#8217;ve been working on this for about a month, maybe a little longer, and the final result is a great deal more polished than my original mockup &#8212; but it&#8217;s not that different either.</p>

<h3>My process</h3>

<p>Most of the mockups I&#8217;ve ever made in Photoshop are unfinished in some critcal way. Maybe the color aren&#8217;t quite right &#8212; that always takes a lot of tweaking once you have to see them all over the screen &#8212; or maybe that logo isn&#8217;t all it&#8217;s cracked up to be. Maybe it&#8217;s not your logo at all, it&#8217;s a logo that was swapped for yours at birth, and now it&#8217;s a hunchback with tentacles, and you don&#8217;t know where you&#8217;ve gone wrong as a parent, but it&#8217;s happened, and now those angst-ridden teenage years are coming on fast and&#8212;</p>

<p>That was not the metaphor I had in mind. Moving on&#8230;</p>

<h3>Mockups and markup</h3>

<p>A lot of people have probably already read <a href="http://24ways.org/2009/make-your-mockup-in-markup" title="24 Ways - Mockups vs Markup">Meagan Fisher&#8217;s article on mockups vs. markup</a>, and if you haven&#8217;t, <em>do it right now</em>. Photoshop mockups are extremely inflexible. While I think it&#8217;s important to play around in Photoshop just to get your bearings, know that 90% of the work you will be doing will be with markup. Every now and then after I exported the images for my design, I&#8217;d return to Photoshop to grab a color (although <a href="http://www.colourlovers.com" title="Colourlovers">Colourlovers</a> helped out a lot), or refine an icon, but that was it. When you know what you want to do, Photoshop is pretty much useless.</p>

<p>So as soon as I got out of the whirlwind of possibility that is Photoshop with a decent design, I churned out <em>Version One</em>, which will never be seen by human eyes; then, <a href="/sandbox/new">Version Two</a>, which is similar, but <em>better</em>; <a href="/sandbox/new/v2" title="Version Three -- I know what it says">Version Three</a> was nearly there. I broke away from the vertical menu to tabs, which I hadn&#8217;t done in a while. At any rate, it seemed to suit the theme, and left the sidebar open for content &#8212; delicious, delicious content.</p>

<h3>Trial and error</h3>

<p>I initially tried to get pointed tabs at the top of the page, but the varying widths of my tabs made that a bit more trouble than it was worth. I compensated by&#8230;using <code>-moz-border-radius</code> around the place. Because those things totally go hand in hand.</p>

<p>I hadn&#8217;t tried <code>rgba</code> before this design, and I wasn&#8217;t sure if it was worth it. Within seconds of applying it on the navigation (I thought it would be unwieldy and superfluous everywhere else), I changed my mind. It is extremely easy to use, and very pretty if you use it right. </p>

<p>I also tried out <strong>Cuf&#243;n</strong> and <code>@font-face</code> for the first time. I stuck with @font-face, because it was the easiest to manipulate. I could change weights and fonts without having to upload a new Javascript file every time. But I have to say, Cuf&#243;n is very neat. If you&#8217;re using sIFR, Cuf&#243;n is infinitely easier to use. I mean, for chrissakes, there&#8217;s a <a href="http://cufon.shoqolate.com/generate/"  title="Cuf&#243;n Generator"><em>generator</em></a>. And it renders very smooth. <code>@font-face</code> renders a bit choppily (this might be caused by other things as well), but unlike with Cuf&#243;n, I won&#8217;t have to worry about selecting text or <code>:hover</code> (this is apparently supported, but I couldn&#8217;t get it to work).</p>

<p>Then, I thought about upgrading from <strong>Movable Type 4.1</strong> to <strong>Movable Type 5</strong>, which was released a couple days ago. After a few minutes of playing with my installation, I decided not to. The interface is gray and boring, the navigation is a bit confusing. I&#8217;m not sure why they got rid of MT 4&#8217;s UI, because it seems infinitely better.</p>

<p>So that&#8217;s a wrap! I have a few more things to clean up about this design, but I&#8217;m pretty happy with it. Let me know what you think! :)</p>
]]>
        

    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>You never know, it could be great</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2010/01/you-never-know-it-could-be-gre.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2010://1.171</id>

    <published>2010-01-04T05:49:11Z</published>
    <updated>2010-01-04T06:51:57Z</updated>

    <summary>In which I rant about my roadtrip to Georgia, and think about what I&apos;ve been missing all this time.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="Geekery" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="design" label="design" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="inspiration" label="inspiration" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="redesign" label="redesign" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="roadtrips" label="roadtrips" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thoughts" label="thoughts" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="travelling" label="travelling" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="vacation" label="vacation" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>I always expect some radical shift in scenery when we cross a state border &#8212; the tall, thin trees of Georgia and Alabama and then, suddenly, in the space it takes to get through my entire <strong>Queen: Live at Wembley</strong> DVD (yes, I own it. Yes, it&#8217;s <em>awesome</em>), the Mississippi River is rolling along before us. Louisiana hits us with bright lights and casinos, an overuse of the &#8220;-eaux&#8221; spelling (for example, &#8220;Geaux&#8221; instead of &#8220;Go&#8221;, which I find embarrassingly superfluous). And after that, there&#8217;s no point in paying attention anymore, because Texas is a few miles ahead, and there&#8217;s nothing to see there that I haven&#8217;t already seen. </p>

<p>It disappoints me though, when states just fade into other states, when you cross a border and nothing changes &#8212; nothing noticeable. After some time, you might see mountains, which I always freak out about, but the sky doesn&#8217;t change colors. Weird animals don&#8217;t start popping up behind trees and chasing your car off of their ancestral land (Tennessee has a horrible problem with badgers cropping up in housing developments and chasing off the residents &#8212; I just thought you should know). There&#8217;s often little more than a welcome center (I&#8217;m keeping track of the good and bad ones &#8212; that was aimed at you, Alabama), a cluster of fast food places and gas stations, and then I-10 stretches out again like an endless road.</p>

<p>But I&#8217;m back! A week in Georgia, and a few days in Dallas, and tomorrow I&#8217;ll be back in Houston, hoping for fabled snow, and getting some work done at last. In the past week, I&#8217;ve read about six hundred pages (<strong>The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets</strong> by Eva Rice, and <strong>The Gathering</strong> by Anne Enright), which makes me incredibly happy. There&#8217;s nothing better than being able to immerse yourself in a book all day, to read late into the night, and wake up dreaming about the characters. Except when they&#8217;re characters in an Irish tragedy, like <strong>The Gathering</strong>. That was an odd dream.</p>

<p>I&#8217;ve made a few adjustments to my test redesign, <a href="/sandbox/new/v2" title="New design -- version 2">viewable here</a>. I&#8217;m not sure how I feel about a tabbed menu. I think I&#8217;ve run that river dry, and the more I try to come back to it, the more banal it feels. They&#8217;re not even very interesting tabs. What makes them pretty at all is the fact that I threw in some <code>rgba</code> &#8212; which I have been using all over the place now, because it&#8217;s so versatile and easy &#8212; and, well, there you have it.</p>
]]>
        <![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve been down this road before though. I start out with an <em>exciting! new!</em> mockup, and gradually, I break it down to its composite bits, and by the time I&#8217;m done, the mockup is useless, and I make something completely different in a few minutes, and throw it up. It&#8217;s not even as much a matter of cowardice as it is a realization that I&#8217;m not inspired by my own work after a certain point. There has to be something new and sensational in me, something I only need one iteration of to make it a success.</p>

<p>Now, don&#8217;t get me wrong. I think iterations are wonderful. I think everything needs to be thought over, until the pieces fit just so &#8212; it&#8217;s just that it&#8217;s so easy to over-think something as simple as a font or an icon that, until it is fixed, nothing seems right. So maybe my problem is minor. Maybe all this worrying about tabs and inspiration is unimportant, and I&#8217;ll wake up tomorrow, and everything will fall into place.</p>

<h3>Other outlets</h3>

<div class="image_float"><img src="/sandbox/new/images/piggy.png" alt="404 Piggy" /></div>

<p>I thought about illustration as well. Being restricted to either hand-drawn art or illustrations I made with the selection tool in Photoshop &#8212; including the ones in <a href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2007/05/i-bet-thatll-shoot-down-your-p.html" title="A discussion of creationism vs. actual science">my article about creationism and actual science</a>. For example, I made this piggy, which I think is a pretty fancy piggy. But it doesn&#8217;t come close enough to standing for the site as a whole.</p>

<p>Unless I make a site about piggies. Now, <em>there&#8217;s</em> a possibility&#8230;</p>

<p>I suppose I haven&#8217;t ever gone far to brand myself visually. Colors are colors, Archer is Archer (and it didn&#8217;t even make it into the last design. It didn&#8217;t seem to fit). There&#8217;s still a long road ahead of me, but I think I can make it work.</p>

<p>Here I go. Version three.</p>
]]>
    </content>
</entry>

<entry>
    <title>What&apos;s been on my mind</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2009/12/whats-been-on-my-mind.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2009://1.170</id>

    <published>2009-12-11T03:58:13Z</published>
    <updated>2009-12-11T04:27:41Z</updated>

    <summary>I was gone for three months. You noticed, right? Because I did :(</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="capslock" label="CAPSLOCK" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="cufon" label="Cufon" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="design" label="design" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="excuses" label="excuses" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nanowrimo" label="NaNoWriMo" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="nerdy" label="nerdy" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="vacation" label="vacation" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="writing" label="writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>Well, there I went again. Easing into the old, lazy routine and saying, &#8220;Oh well, one more week won&#8217;t do any harm.&#8221; Now, the rest of September wasn&#8217;t very bad. Nor was October, when I went to <strong>Austin City Limits</strong> and said, &#8220;Well, I can get used to this.&#8221; Wrong. In swooped November like some sort of winged mastadon, and stole me away to its horrible nest of tusk-toothed flying monsters to entertain the prehistoric demon spawn. Here&#8217;s what I&#8217;ve been working on that has kept me from doing anything productive with this site for the past three (THREE!) months. My humblest apologies. I do not speak Mastadon.</p>

<h3>November &#8212; NaNoWriMo and everything else</h3>

<p>I started <strong>NaNoWriMo</strong> (National Novel Writing Month) again, and I was determined to win. Two-three hours of my day gone instantly. But I <em>WON IT!</em> Incidentally, the most useful program I used was not some fancy-shmancy writing program (like DarkRoom, which I have always loved), but <a href="http://docs.google.com" title="Google Documents">Google Docs</a>. That&#8217;s right! A simple word processor. All that blank space in any other program would have made me have all sorts of allergic reactions (for example, to obligation and responsibility &#8212; I have these anyway, but they&#8217;re mostly infrequent). Aside from the wonky word count-alyzer, Google Docs was actually fantastic for my productivity. And I got some pretty sweet writing out of it. Here&#8217;s a snippet:</p>

<div class="indent">
<p>In a high corner of the old house, the widowed recluse spun her spider-silk and gossamer - or so the creaks and whispers of the floorboards suggested, and the fragile mist at the window. But her own footfalls were silent. The servants would have called her &#8220;Lady Arete,&#8221; but over time, she became merely Arete, the mad, old woman in the high, old room. She was attended by her own woman, the daughter of a once noble family of Madra, but over time, as she lost her sight and her beauty and her good graces, she fled in the widow&#8217;s company to Kaladan. Now, there was no need for fine dresses or jewelry. The widow spun her own cloth &#8212; all white, as it had been for many years &#8212; and wore a simple, braided cord around her neck with a knotted metal pendant. Her servant, blind as she was, lingered in the doorway of the room and recounted, when she heard them, the whispers of passing nobles, the laughter of the little princess, and the passage of the emperor Rodim from room to room. </p></div>

<p>Then, I actually had to do stuff  (here I am, reduced to complaining about homework). For everything <em>except</em> Logic, I had a game plan. With Logic, I either messed around with some haphazard guesswork or sat around bawling for a bearded little elf man to turn my quantifiers into gold. You&#8217;ll just have to guess which tactic actually worked.</p>

<p>One of the things I discovered about Logic is that it isn&#8217;t very logical. My intuitive leap was usually not correct, except in some very simple situations. And proofs are horrible in all situations. But that&#8217;s over and done with, and I should make some sort of decent grade in there. And then, <em>never again!</em>. It&#8217;s funny how many times I&#8217;ve told myself that only to have a similarly <em>horrible</em> class crawl up to my door to say, &#8220;Hello.&#8221;</p>

<p>&#8220;Hello,&#8221; indeed.</p>

<h3>Other stuff</h3>

<p>I made a live development section of my site. It&#8217;s called <a href="http://sandbox.biscuitrat.com" title="Sandbox">Sandbox</a> &#8212; for obvious reasons, and also because I never get tired of using the <a href="http://www.plaintxt.org/themes/sandbox/" title="Sandbox theme">Sandbox theme</a> for WordPress. I have two projects in the works right now. One of them is <a href="http://sandbox.biscuitrat.com/new" title="Anthology">a new design for this site</a>; the other is <a href="http://sandbox.biscuitrat.com/women_now" title="Anthology">a little site for my friend Erica</a>. Both of them use <a href="http://cufon.shoqolate.com/generate/" title="Cufon -- generator">Cuf&#243;n</a>, which I have found both extremely easy to use and extremely flexible. Now, some notes:</p>

<ul>
<li>I haven&#8217;t used <code>@font-face</code> yet. That&#8217;s next on my list.</li>
<li>I don&#8217;t think Cuf&#243;n is suitable for body text. It works fabulously in headings though, which is where I will continue to use.  The lack of selectability is a problem, but not a huge one. And you can use links in Cuf&#243;n just fine!</li>
</ul>

<p>Feel free to check those out and leave me some notes/tips!</p>

<h3>In closing</h3>

<p>I hope I don&#8217;t have too many more of these doldrum periods. It&#8217;s boring for you guys and it&#8217;s boring for me. But it&#8217;s tons of fun for demon mastadons, so you guys keep your eyes open, okay? Okay.</p>
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<entry>
    <title>This repetition...</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2009/09/this-repetition.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2009://1.168</id>

    <published>2009-09-16T20:27:03Z</published>
    <updated>2009-09-16T21:58:35Z</updated>

    <summary>Some things on my mind. Like this entire blog. You know what this is? This is the least helpful description EVER.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="This modern life" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="college" label="college" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="degrees" label="degrees" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="education" label="education" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="future" label="future" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="hope" label="hope" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="thoughts" label="thoughts" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="work" label="work" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="worries" label="worries" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>Sophomore year is about twice as much work as freshman year, half as much expectation, and about a quarter the hope. Oh, and there&#8217;s that <em>pig fever</em> going around. What is it? Porcine ebola? Something like that. </p>

<p>I remember stepping onto campus, confident that I was going to turn everything around, succeed in things I had never succeeded in before. College picked me up by my letter jacket (it gets cold in Austin too. This might be the single most expensive piece of clothing I own, so I guilt myself into wearing it more than would be fashionably appropriate), set me down on a patch of lawn that will never grow grass because a) bird are hungry and b) there are a lot of birds, and set me straight on the facts. A difficult part of college is the expectation that you will major in something that will turn into a career directly. You are literally studying a career, and then you will enter an industry. There&#8217;s a sort of comfort in this. Your path is predetermined, but not necessarily regimented. When I thought I finally found direction at the end of last semester, mired in chemical formulas I never wanted to see again, and English papers I slaved over but completely missed the point on, I guess all I found was a justification for my state of mind.</p>

<p>So I changed my state of mind. I&#8217;m going to spend my four years here studying something I love &#8212; not something I barely tolerate, not some means that will justify my preferred end. Then I&#8217;ll spend another four years perfecting it. After that, I might spend another three years on a fancy title (Baroness, please). When it comes to work, I could teach or act (badly) or live in an attic writing whimsical poems about hornets (I don&#8217;t like hornets, but I&#8217;ll try). The point is that I don&#8217;t feel pressure any more to find something to do that glorifies me, but at the very least dignifies me. And there are so many things I can do with that outlook.</p>

<p>So maybe there&#8217;s a little more hope going around this year than I initially thought. I&#8217;ll be back with a much geekier post once these thoughts have run their course! Oh yeah, and watch out for pigs. Much more dangerous than hog rabies.</p>
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<entry>
    <title>What&apos;s with all the screaming?</title>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://biscuitrat.com/archives/2009/08/whats-with-all-the-screaming.php" />
    <id>tag:www.biscuitrat.com,2009://1.167</id>

    <published>2009-08-19T04:59:59Z</published>
    <updated>2009-08-19T05:48:21Z</updated>

    <summary>I like CAPSLOCK a lot, and I will continue to use it, even until an unfortunate boating accident forces me to trade in my left hand to cover the price of a shiny metal hook. AND WHO WILL BE LAUGHING THEN.</summary>
    <author>
        <name>Ranjani</name>
        <uri>http://www.biscuitrat.com</uri>
    </author>
    
        <category term="Writing" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#category" />
    
    <category term="capslock" label="CAPSLOCK" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="randomness" label="randomness" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    <category term="rant" label="rant" scheme="http://www.sixapart.com/ns/types#tag" />
    
    <content type="html" xml:lang="en" xml:base="http://www.biscuitrat.com/">
        <![CDATA[<p>Alright, I&#8217;ve been found out. I have a penchant for CAPSLOCK. Call it what you want (by which I mean anything but &#8220;cruise control for cool,&#8221; because I swear, if I hear that again, the entire nation of Andorra is falling on someone&#8217;s house) &#8212; Internet Tourette&#8217;s, like jamming screeching bats in your ears (I would not recommend this) &#8212; it really makes no difference to me. The truth is, a lot of things sound better in caps. Some things are angry, vehement, and ridiculous, and there is no better way to express them. Sure, I&#8217;ve tried <em>a certain emphasis</em>, but it feels delicate, vague, and undecided. Try this on for size: <em>Oh God, plague rats!</em></p>

<p>I think not.</p>

<p>I&#8217;m not sure why capslock is so maligned, and perhaps you guys could help me with this, but surely in moderation, even capslock has its uses. Then, of course, there are the people who don&#8217;t realize that capslock is a toggle, or were never taught about lowercase. For most of that, I blame idiocy &#8212; and to some degree, 1st Grade &#8212; but there are a few of us who reserve the right to raise our voices every now and then. I do so when I chat, and when I write. It&#8217;s as much a part of me as run-on sentences and the word &#8220;frabjous.&#8221; And delicious, delicious caramel ice cream.</p>

<p>However aggravating it is to see a wall of CAPS, there isn&#8217;t any harm in a CRAP or a GOOD LORD every now and then, religious sensitivities aside. I&#8217;m perfectly capable of using a thoughtful lowercase, but some things incense me &#8212; better yet, some things make me laugh. And sometimes, I want that to pop out from the sea of insanity that is my writing. Some day you&#8217;ll thank me for it. Or egg my house.</p>

<p>Which is why I&#8217;m buying a house-zeppelin tomorrow.</p>
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